Without friction, we miss out on great opportunities to heal and get to know ourselves.
Recently, I made a one-sentence comment on a YouTube channel stating that I loved the content, but thought there were too many ads. This creator proceeded to say that YouTube Premium was made for “people like you” who are “too lazy to click ads”. I was also called “rude”, “insensitive” and “ominous” -- all this from a “spiritual” content creator.
It made me sigh, as I thought “well, spiritual people can be jerks too.” We’re all out here just doing our best. The real work comes when we are in situations of friction. It’s easy to be peace, love and light when everybody has the same opinion. Without friction, we miss out on great opportunities to heal and get to know ourselves.
“well, spiritual people can be jerks too.” We’re all out here just doing our best.
I can only control the delivery of my opinion, not people’s reaction to it. We know with certainty that we can’t control how people perceive us. We can attempt to with some modest success in some areas of our life, but it’s a fool’s errand to try to fit everyone’s idea of “a good person”.
Are we doing ourselves justice by cushioning our opinions in fuzzy feel-goodness for fear of hurting someone's feelings, being bullied or being gaslighted?
The days of “How to Make Friends and Influence People” are on their way out. Welcome to the era of “Act from Your Highest Authentic Self in All Situations”.
There will be times that we are misunderstood, misinterpreted and sometimes outright simplified and vilified for having a contradictory opinion, or making a triggering statement. Let’s be real - if you tell a person “I don’t like that” and they start insulting you in response...THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! How can it?
There is great power in knowing you have control over your responses.
You can’t read their mind and you definitely have no say in how they will respond to you. The days of “How to Make Friends and Influence People” are on their way out. Welcome to the era of “Act from Your Highest Authentic Self in All Situations”
There is great power in knowing you have control over your responses.
When I search such situations for the lessons within, I look to The Four Agreements:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word - Could more delicate language have been used? Was there indication that this is a sensitive topic?
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally - Each person you interact with has a whole inner universe you know nothing of -- a Pandora’s Box full of triggers and pre-programmed reactions. You cannot possibly account for all of them. Apologize if need be, take your lessons and keep it moving.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions - if the person reacts badly, don’t make judgements about them or their character. There is no one-size-fits-all personality that doesn’t vibe with you. Again, how much do we really know about what’s going on in another person's mind, heart and soul?
4. Always Do Your Best - my priority is leaving the interaction feeling lighter, with no regrets. That can mean standing your ground, that may mean just walking away to maintain your sense of inner peace.
When it’s all said and done, you can do all of the above with the best intentions and still leave feeling like there is someone out there who just doesn’t get you. Did you act in a way in accordance with your spirit? That’s the matter at heart.
When things get toxic, get out.
Consider curating a handful of generic polite deflections that allow you to respond without engaging too deeply:
“Your feedback is appreciated.”
“Thanks for sharing your experience.”
Or if it’s online, just click like and save your breath. Aaaah, the freedom of it all.
So, what came of this YouTube interaction, you ask? I deleted the comment thread and unsubscribed to the channel the same day. Firstly, because I found the creator’s reply vile and secondly...because I can. When things get toxic, get out.
Take charge of your reactions and choose for your highest good.
And, to the YouTuber who I obviously caught on a bad day, thanks for the inspiration for this article!
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